I am worried that my first post might give the impression that I am flighty, unreliable and always hopping from one thing to the next. In fact, I think I am remarkably loyal, and some might say quite stubborn when it comes to pursuing a goal on which I have set my sights. After all, I finished a doctoral dissertation, I worked my way from being an occasional hiker to being a climber experienced enough to summit Denali, and I have been happily married for over ten years to the same smart, adorable, and yet sometimes challenging guy (not that I am sweet peach all of the time ...).
When I speak of "trying" I really take the word seriously: I mean making a serious sustained effort to accomplish a goal. I am not talking about "trying" as in "tasting" or "trying on" an outfit. I am talking about "trying hard," giving it one's "best try."
My husband has often quoted to me a line from The Karate Kid (I think...), in which the martial art instructor chastises a pupil who seemed not to do something right by saying "there is no trying: there is only do or not do!" Well, I beg to differ. In fact, I think there is only trying. We often have very little control over whether we manage to do what we set out to do. But we almost always have control over how hard we try. And we can keep trying, against all odds and in defiance of expectations, for as long as our determination lasts.
And yet, in the end, we might still not be able to "do" what we set out to do.
But, someone might ask, how do you know when you are done "trying" something? Good question. I am not sure I have a good answer. Maybe we know when we are done trying when we cannot physically stand to continue. Or when we feel that the trying has such a high cost that the intended result cannot possibly be worth the price. Or when we feel called, as some of us might say, to try a different path.
Trying is not an activity that we start and stop. It is a mode of being, a way of living with intention, with purpose, with a sense of being connected to challenges that take out outside ourselves, that test our limits and reveal our intrinsic connections to other human beings and other living creatures on this planet.
For me, that connection has come through physical and intellectual challenges: living in a foreign country, learning a new language, sleeping under a tarp in the middle of the wilderness, studying political theory, learning to climb rock and ice, slogging up glaciers, committing to sharing my life with my husband or taking on the challenge of running a marathon or swimming in open water. Each challenge was a trial of sorts, and not all of them turned out as I had expected. But it's through trying to navigate the ups and downs of each current and wave that I catch sight of the larger horizon. And for that vista, I am going to keep trying.
